It was 2:56 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon. My hands involuntarily shook as I typed out a Facebook post (which I had been fretting over for months). It felt like a long time coming, to say the least.
I was finally going to share my blog.
My mind was made up for so long. I would do whatever it took to never share my content with anyone in my close circle. It would remain concealed. Only a few people knew that I had been working on a blog. My boyfriend, a couple of family members, my best friends…
This was different though. If I decided to hit “post,” It seemed like I was inviting criticism that I couldn’t realistically handle. What if people gossiped, whispered to each other about my foolish dreams? Would they judge?
I thought about the harrowing possibility of maybe ending up constrained to “safe” topics because I chose to share my blog with people who knew me outside of the internet.
After all, I’d been sharing intimate details of my life on this blog, including my relationship and the struggles I face with anxiety. I tossed and turned at night thinking about what would happen if I decided to just take the plunge.
Maybe people would send me messages like, “You’re really embarrassing yourself.”
Or they’d laugh at me behind my back.
The worst thing I could think of was disappointing my family.
Despite these fears, I continued typing away.
In my post, I talked about how I had been working on the blog since last year, but started consistently writing in December. I was studying prominent bloggers, doing research about SEO and compelling blog content, etc.
I confessed that I had always wanted to be in entertainment ever since I was a little girl. Throughout the years, I hadn’t let my dream fade. I also disclosed that I faced an intense writer’s block for years and almost lost my passion altogether.
It was time to let my fears go.
And that’s it…I closed my eyes and my post was officially public. No turning back.
The response I got filled me with an overwhelming amount of joy. I couldn’t believe the positive feedback I was receiving. A few people even informed me that I had inspired them to pursue their own dreams.
Tears streamed down my face as I read all of those lovely messages. The idea of helping others was the whole reason I started a blog in the first place.
I received messages from people who I haven’t talked to for a while and they congratulated me for pursuing my passion. One of my favorite college writing professors told me she couldn’t wait to see my future posts. A childhood friend who I haven’t seen in years reminded me of all the times we would play pretend as kids and how much fun we had back then. She was kind enough to reach out and support me.
A few hours later, I got a text from my cousin. I smiled as I read it. “I’m so happy you’re writing again, Nunzia!” she wrote. She missed the days when I would work on my projects every time she came over.
Her reaction really broke me. As I write this, I feel myself tearing up. My cousin was more like a best friend to me growing up and also an inspiration for a prominent character that I created for one of my stories in my fiction writing class.
I was so petrified by the thought of disappointing my family and here she was, supporting me all along.
There’s a quote by Peter Dinklage that I often think about. Whenever I’m scared, I draw upon it for help:
…Please don’t even bother asking. Don’t bother telling the world you are ready. Show it. Do it. Trust me, the rhythm sets in…
Raise the rest of your life to meet you.
Don’t search for defining moments, because they will never come. The moments that define you have already happened, and they will already happen again. Don’t wait until they tell you you are ready. Get in there. I waited a long time out in the world before I gave myself permission to fail…
Opening up yourself to others can be absolutely terrifying. Your fiction writing, poetry, YouTube channel, artwork, etc. is understandably your baby. There’s always this fear of making yourself susceptible to people’s judgements. But just do it, write it, draw it, share it.
Don’t wait. Don’t give into fear. Let others in on your passion. You might just help someone finally share their own passion. And If anyone makes fun of you for it, they’re not worth your time anyway.
Don’t ever be ashamed of your dreams.
You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you’ve been living in fear for years, that it was you stopping yourself the entire time.